she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
