I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
