I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
True strength comes from lack of pants
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
