Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
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I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
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I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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