I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just found a bag of teeth...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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