Do you still have your period?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
