i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
