every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
