Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
