weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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