I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
