She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
