She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
