Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
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