I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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