you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
