I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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