Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
