WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
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She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
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Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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