do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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