she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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