There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I could fuck to npr.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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