my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
