He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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