He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
