Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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