Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
