Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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