Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
dude. I can hear the air.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
