Need sex. Gaining weight.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
