How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize