I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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