haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
