Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
