The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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