Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
