Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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