i just google imaged poop.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
