so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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