Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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