I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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