The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
