I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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