the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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