dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
