If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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