I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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