I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
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Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
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The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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