3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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