can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
