Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
