Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
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i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
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This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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