I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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