these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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