i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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