I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
