just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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