why do cheetos always look like penises
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
