Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
