it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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