We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
