And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
