3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
