what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
