My boss' voice literally gives me gas
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
