my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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