i just identified you from a description of your pipe
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
