He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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