sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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