New low: just hacked my moms facebook
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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