just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
