I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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